Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Tories Cure Cancer Says Daily Mail

The Daily Mail claims today that new scientific evidence proves that voting for David Cameron at the upcoming election will cure cancer. The report also claims that “voting for Nick Clegg will give you bad AIDS and voting for Gordon Brown will give you mild thrush”.
According to The Mail the research, conducted by first year drama students at King’s College London, shows that “cancer sufferers released a hormone called klaggiporuscraboxide when informed in controlled conditions that David Cameron was running the country under a Tory government”. Terminally ill patient Jason Woodruff was given just 2 hours to live but made a complete recovery “I couldn’t believe it, it’s a miracle, even my hair grew back instantly!

The research also shows that healthy subjects caught bad AIDS when informed the Lib Dems were running the country.

New opinion polls show that the Tories are now well ahead with 83 per cent.

Labour representative Arthur Conduit said: “this is a ridiculous made up fact from worried right wing Journalists in response to recent opinion polls which show David Cameron is as popular a choice for running the country as an out-of-date Scotched Egg”.

The Daily Mail will not affect your statutory rights.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for this! I live in America and have just been to a wonderful Tea Party sit in but I'm thinking of moving to the UK just so I can savour the wonderful health benefits of Cameron. I will tell my pals in the UK to vote Tory - if nothing else it will help reduce the finances of the NHS and their expensive radiotherapy treatments. Good to see some balanced reporting for once.