Fake Bidder Sentenced For eBay Scam

MINCH NORTON

Paul Barrett has become the first person to be prosecuted in the UK for bidding against himself on online auction site eBay.

The online scamster was fined £5,000, ordered to carry out 250 hours of unpaid work and sentenced to death.

The judge said Barrett only escaped a prison sentence because of the relatively small amounts of money involved and because he had no previous convictions apart from placing a bet on himself with William Hill, to win the Paul Barrett World Cup, which saw Barrett organise, promote and feature as the only team in the Paul Barrett World Cup.

In a practice known as 'shill bidding', the minibus company owner used two different logins to bid against himself on items he was selling, forcing bidders to raise their prices.

Paul Barrett prepares to post himself to himself, after winning himself on eBay.

If Barrett accidentally won an auction he was bidding on he would leave positive feedback about himself but often, in a bad mood, he would berate himself as a crap seller, “Don’t buy anything from this tosser. Bought item 8 weeks ago and still no sign of it.” was just one of the reviews he left for himself.

Using this process he managed to sell two Mercedes vehicles, a pie and pasty warmer, a cash register, a refrigerated display counter, a Land Rover, a bacon butty, a shotgun and a digital camera.

His plan only unravelled after a buyer complained about a van he had been sold and Barrett's second identity was discovered.

The Jury, which was made up of banking CEO’s, ex-treasury ministers and an ex-Chancellor found Barrett guilty within minutes of gross misrepresentation, obtaining monies by deception, creating a false economy, market manipulation, selling items that people cannot really afford and wearing the wrong school tie.

On sentencing Barrett at Judge Peter Benson, said: "If you had gone to the right public school you would have had a great career in finance and we could have let you off with a special handshake. However, you are scum, poor, fat and bald; just not the right image we want for a Bilderberg member”

George Michael's oil rig humiliation

Toilet skulker and soft-core drug user George Michael has been handed down a sentence of public humiliation by an unsympathetic judge.

The singer-songwriter got blazed after Sunday’s Gay Pride parade and careened into the front of a Snappy Snaps store.

At the Walthamstow District Court on Tuesday morning Judge John Dredd told Michael to “sort yourself out,” referring to the camp crooner’s habit of picking up cops in toilets and hot boxing his car in public places.

As an unrepentant Michael shrugged his stoned shoulders, Judge Dredd gave what he termed “the harshest sentence I’ve ever had to hand down”: 150 hours’ public humiliation. The sentence will see the former Wham singer forced to visit a series of Atlantic sea oilrigs while wearing a sandwich board bearing the legend: “Too cute to be straight.”

Oil rigs have not been kind to gay entertainers in the past. In 1985, flamboyant American entertainer Liberace met his death on a North Sea oil rig, where he was dismembered after an impromptu cabaret performance of Hello Dolly. In 1990, Freddie Mercury was forced to swim almost 1500 miles after an Ann Summers party on a Gulf of Mexico rig went badly wrong.

As George Michael’s fans around the world anxiously await his fate, the man himself is philosophical about the sentence.

“I’ve made a bong out of an old fish tank,” he said. “I’m not going to remember any of this.”