"We could've got Ireland a better deal" say Meerkats

International business entrepreneurial sex symbol, and Meerkat, Aleksandr Orlov, said he could have easily given Ireland a competative interest rate of around 4.9% for the €85bn loan had they come to his website comparethemeerkat.com.

The EU, however, decided to borrow money from loan sharks at a stonking rate of 5.8%.

The loan, which will mostly be used for betting, buying second-hand cars and burning horses, is expected to cost every Irish household €5245 per year in interest alone.

"Simples! We compare hundreds of interest rates and could have bailed Ireland out for a much cheaper rate". Said the Russian website owner. "We'd have saved them enough money to buy a Cheeky Girl".

MEERKATS IN BNP RACE ROW

Nick Griffin cowers as he's pelted with poo-pellets

Police were called to quell a row in London today between members of the far right BNP and Alexander from the ‘compare the meerkat’ adverts.

Nick Griffin, leader of the BNP and former cabaret singer, said, “these foreign meerkats are flocking over here and stealing jobs, houses and women from hardworking Yorkshire ferrets”.

The incensed Alexander took to the streets with his furry army and pelted faeces at BNP members. Cars were overturned, petrol bombs thrown and an effigy of Mr Griffin was burnt at the stake.

The meerkat mob targeted fancy dress shops, florists, and a Barry Manilow themed bar, all well known haunts for BNP members.

A frightened BNP member said, “it was like so scary, my partner Colin and I daren’t leave our duplex”.

An innocent racist spoke of his terror as a meerkat glassed him with his own Cinzano and lemonade, “the anger in his eyes man, it was ferral, they look so tame on the ads”.

In an exclusive e-mail The Gusset Muncher's reporter Luke Tunnelling, Alexander said, “if the BNP want a fight they will get it, we’re here to stay. Simples”.