Monday, 14 May 2012

Olympics Ban Audi Logo

The London Organising Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games (LOGOC) is taking legal action against Audi claiming its logo breaches copyright.

The official organisers of the Olympics™ have ordered that car manufacturer Audi change its logo, which features four silver rings, to something that looks significantly different. “It looks too much like ours which has five rings” said a LOCOG spokesperson, “They should change it to a rabbit or banana or something so long at it doesn’t look like ours”.
The new Audi logo

Audi have used the four-ring logo since the 1960s, however LOCOG claims “we were here first, since Ancient Greek times actually, so there”.

Lord Sebastian Coe, who invented the five-ring logo, defended the Olympics with: “the common taxpayer would probably confuse an Olympic Stadium with a German car, which could cause traffic problems”.

LOCOG is set to ban all logos featuring rings, zeros or the letter ‘o’. It has already filed a claim against Google, Mercedes, and even Childline; ordered to change its phone number because “all those zeros could be confusing”.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Walthamstow to be Hidden from Olympic Visitors

The London suburb of Walthamstow is to be hidden under a giant sheet of tarpaulin during the Olympics in a controversial bid to conceal the poor from London 2012 visitors.

The Olympic Delivery Authority (ODA) has requested that chavs, hooligans and pound shops in the area of Walthamstow should be kept out of sight during the Games. However, the only way the council can conceive such a plan is to cover the entire area in a sheet of tarpaulin resembling the idyllic London town of Richmond when viewed from a certain angle at Stratford.

Visitors to the Olympics will not have to witness the full horrors of the stow at all as the tarpaulin will be erected a week before the Games start. 
 A typical Walthamstow street will soon look like this

The Leader of Waltham Forest council, Cllr Basil Fawlty told Gusset News: “the ODA is like well in charge of everything and higher up than God so we have to lie down and let them bum us. Oops did I say that out loud?”

The ODA claims its sponsors have the right to ensure their brands are presented in the highest quality format possible. “Adidas and McDonald's do not wish to be associated with the likes of hoodies or the overweight”, said an ODA spokesperson.

Friday, 4 May 2012

Fifth Version of Munch's The Scream Fetches £1 at Auction

Munch's 'The Scream' may have been sold for a record breaking $120m, however, a fifth version of the painting, recently discovered in a small East London suburb called Walthamstow, sold for £1 by a market trader to a pensioner called Les.

Walthamstow is famous for its abandoned mattresses and was responsible for the 'Celebrities that look like Mattresses' series. But now it seems Walthamstow has inspired many famous artists, who visited the small town during their primary years and created many famous works of art.

Later this month, these other rare pieces will be up for auction on Walthamstow Market:

If you would like to know more about Walthamstow visit The Walthamstow (unofficial) Tourist Board where you will be able to buy postcards, calendars and go on an organised tour of abandoned mattresses.

This quirky town recently voted Brian Harvey for Mayor, but when your choice is the bumbling buffoon and bendy-bus botherer Boris Johnson, or Ken Barlow, who can blame them?