Friday, 23 April 2010

Tena Lady "pissed" at plugging Cameron's leak

Female hygiene aid company Tena Lady is fuming after pictures of David Cameron wearing a Tena Lady pad were used to promote the Conservative campaign.

Cameron before and after he began using Tena Lady products.

Pictures of Cameron brown nosing commoners at Stratford’s Rattancat Abbatoir show the Tory leader smiling, secure in the knowledge that no involuntary leaks will show up on his carefully pressed Saville Row suit.

Tena Lady spokeswoman Sheree Drysdale said the company is “pissed”. “We don’t back the Conservatives and we definitely don’t want to be plugging the gaps in Cameron’s campaign, so to speak.”

The Tena Lady empire was founded on Labour ideals, Drysdale said. Tena Lady was created in 1932 by furnishings factory worker Tena Lady. Lady was enraged at the Conservative laws of the time which forbid women from taking more than one bathroom break each day. She created her first pad using scraps of fabric she gathered from the factory floor, selling the reuseable items at tuppence a bag.

Today’s laws are more favourable towards the bladder-challenged, but this doesn’t stop the Tena Lady empire from anger at Cameron’s “slimy” attempt at connecting with voters.

“We’re asking Labour supporters all over Britain to travel to the Conservative headquarters at 30 Millbank, Westminster, and urinate on the door on May 1,” Drysdale said. May 1 is traditionally associated with global protests against capitalism, and Drysdale hopes people will take advantage of the general lawlessness of the day and “smother the streets in piss”.

Meanwhile, openly conservative company Huggies have jumped into the fray, sending Samantha Cameron a bumper pack of adult size Night Night nappies, with careful instructions on application and tips on avoiding nappy rash. Mrs Cameron is expecting her fourth child and will no doubt be pleased to have an oversized infant on whom to refresh her mothering technique.

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