Basketball at an all time low

“The American NBA is in meltdown and ready to implode in on itself and drag the entire universe in with it” was the provocative headline that welcomed American sports fans last weekend in a leading sports newspaper.

American Sports Daily revealed that a scientific study has discovered the average height of American basketball players has fallen slightly in the last 10 years from 7' 2” to a pint-sized 3' 10”. The findings have been met with mixed responses from players, the NBA and sports fan alike: disbelief, contempt, anger and surprise.

Butch Netball, the goal attack for the Washington Giants said, “I'm not short, I'm tall.” Last year's NBA leading goal net point score winner Chuck Ball fumed “is that why our shorts always look so big?”

Experts say if this trend continues it will destroy the great game of basketball. As nets are now too high, we will see lower-scoring games, rendering the game even more boring which will in turn affect ticket sales.

Here are last night’s results:

Washington Giants 0 – 0 Ohio Collywobblers

Denver Argyle 0 – 0 New York Wagtails

Texas Longhorns 0 – 0 L.A. Rovers

Seattle Jockstraps 0 - 0 Boston Flipflops.