Friday, 30 July 2010

New BB Housemate Revealed

A record 3 housemates lamely walked out of the Big Brother house since the show started 8 weeks ago. The 11th Big Brother has been the most boring yet, and Channel 4 executives have been desperate to gain audiences.

The newest contestant entered the BB house in the early hours of this morning, but most of the vacuous wannabes are unaware that their new housemate is none other than Yorkshire ripper, Peter Sutcliffe.

The Broadmoor resident was recently denied parole, however due to a High Court admin error, caused by a sleepy underpaid temp, Sutcliffe has been lawfully granted ‘house arrest’. In layman’s terms, this means Sutcliffe can be ‘detained in any secure unit’ for a maximum of 3 weeks.

Sutcliffe’s lawyer, Alan Dershowitz said, “The Big Brother House is exceptionally secure and is manned by a hightec security team 24/7”. He went on to say, “Sutcliffe will feel at home confined to a restricted area full of other mentalists”.

Channel 4 told Gusset News that the prostitute botherer is ‘fitting in well’ with his new inmates, and has struck up a strong bond with sassy scouse Rachel. “This morning he sidled up to the scantily clad northerner and asked if he could tie her up with Josie’s big pants”, said Davina McCall. Unfortunately the bearded serial killer was later disturbed by crab-eyed housemate John James, who interrupted the pair whilst looking for his favourite hanky.
Murderous intent or product placement

Meanwhile, Yorkshire slappa Corin Forshaw has been missing from the Big Brother house since lunchtime.

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