Thursday, 29 July 2010

Catalonia votes to ban bullfighting


Catalonia on Wednesday banned bullfighting, making it the second of Spain’s 17 regions to put an end to the gory and controversial spectacle.

After nearly two years of debate, the regional parliament voted to amend animal protection laws to include bullfighting, pig porking and catfish French kissing.

The anti-bullfighting group Prou, which triggered the vote a year ago with a 180,000-signature petition calling for the ban, hailed the decision. Their spokesman Senior Willie, joyously exclaimed, “Today has been the day we were hoping for”. He went on, after taking a bite from his lamb’s brains sandwich: “The suffering of animals in the Catalan bullrings has been abolished once and for all.”

The ban, which could be enforced to include all blood sports and all EU member states, has international Governments in a panic, fearing a barrage of compensation claims from the relatives of the maimed, tortured and slaughtered animals.

The repercussions of the new animal welfare legislature are far reaching.

Whilst some member states are hurriedly putting aside a legal fund to either pay compensation or challenge these claims, France has taken the unusual step in ordering 1.2 billion pairs of prosthetic frogs legs and have started to rent out vacated snail shells at discounted prices to slugs, the profits of which will be used to offset the cost of any claims that are forthcoming from the mollusc community.

Until the ban is officially in place in 2012, the Catalonian parliament has allowed a watered-down version of the blood sport to continue. The new version will no longer see the bull up against four horses, four picadores, four lances, three banderilleros, six banderillas one matador and one sword. Instead the bull will be also be armed with an M2 Browning machine gun (favoured by Rambo), 4 SWAT stun grenades and a Bowie knife.

In protest at the bullfighting ban, the Japanese have withdrawn their membership from the IWC (again) and fearing a wave of unrest and similar legal action being taken by dolphins, have put all sea mammals under house arrest except for those selected for scientific eating.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the no win, no fee legal firm, Sword Injury Claim Lawyers 4 U said their offices have been inundated with calls from widowed cows seeking civil and criminal advice and who are eager to pursue a legal claim against picadores and matadores in cases of GBH and murder.

No comments:

Post a Comment