Thursday, 22 July 2010

UK, US set date to scarper from Afghanistan


Afghan forces should run their own military operations by 2014, international leaders have agreed while trying to sound undefeated and not at all embarrassed.

However, NATO's chief said the alliance would remain in the country after that date in a bid to look like they haven’t really abandoned the war torn country after making yet another bad decision to invade without a valid or sanctioned reason.

Representatives from more than 60 countries attended a landmark international conference in Afghan capital Kabul to discuss a timetable for the handover of security. The meeting saw the Ambassadors’ aides quickly run into the conference room wearing full flak jackets and matching apparel, toss a hastily scribbled
note with the words, “We quit” written on it and run out into a waiting armoured car.

When interviewed via radio link from their private state aircraft heading away from the troubled country, they all bravely agreed that Afghan forces should begin taking security responsibility in some areas by the end of this year.

The country's president Hamid Karzai said Afghanistan and its Western backers shared "a vicious common enemy". He then went on to say, “Hang on where the fuck are you lot off to? I thought we were in this together?...... I’ve got some oil! Wait! Come back!”

At a poolside interview in Geneva Nato Secretary-General Anders Fogh Rasmussen said
the alliance would never allow the Taliban to topple the government of Afghanistan and if they did then it wasn’t really NATO’s fault, “Cuz we’ve gone na, innit”. However, he added that transition to Afghan-led security would be based on "conditions,
not calendars", which means whoever kills the most of the other
side will be the ones who NATO will negotiate with.

George Bush kissed goodbye to the Afghan issue long ago.

“All we can do now is provide US and UK manufactured weapons to the
side we see as winning at the time and hope for the best.”

UK Foreign Secretary William Hague said the war torn country needed ex Prime Minister Tony Blair's assistance. "After all, he started it. And I don’t like these wrap-heads calling me The Giant Baby and rubbing my bottom”.

Blair was not available for comment as he was cashing his cheque for $2m after another 2 hours lecture on the subject of ‘Me And Why I’m So Great’ on the American University circuit.

Former President George W. Bush, Tony Blair’s fierce ally, was also not available as it was his nap time in the playroom.

Amid fears that peace efforts will bring Islamist extremists into the government, US Secretary of State and political sell out Hillary Clinton sought to assure Afghan women that they would not be forgotten until she left the country.

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