Friday, 23 July 2010

Cameron in pregnancy benefit shock

Big prick: Cameron allegedly ordered an employee to sabotage his condoms.

David Cameron secretly impregnated his wife to obtain extra child benefits, a source has revealed.

The cash-strapped PM allegedly knocked up his long-term squeeze Samantha after realising he would not be able to put luxury holidays and moat-cleaning on expenses, an anonymous aide to the leader revealed.

The aide said Cameron had sat up for hours on end researching benefits on the net. After discovering he was not eligible for sickness benefit or jobseeker’s allowance, he hit upon the idea of impregnating his wife.

“Cameron gave me a big pin and I had to go his bedside drawer and prick holes in all his condoms,” said the aide. “Then he ordered me to spike Sam’s Horlicks with Viagra and lube up all her crotchless knickers.”

The £20/week will be saved for ten years, at which time Cameron apparently intends to spend the £10,000 on a topless singles cruise.

This revelation follows the scandal that rocked Westmister last week when a secret tape revealed Cameron speaking candidly about his unborn child. The Tory leader can clearly be heard telling deputy PM Nick Clegg that he was considering selling his future child into white slavery once it reached the age of five. “Or maybe sell it for parts,” he was heard adding, to peals of laughter from Clegg.

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