Wednesday, 28 July 2010

BP boss' McDonald's shame

Fall from grace: Tony Hayward's supersized shame.

Just days after disgraced BP chief executive Tony Hayward was sacked, he has been ordered to pay $32.6bn (£20.6bn) in oil spill costs.

Hayward has been made personally accountable for the environmental disaster and has been instructed to cough up enough to clean up all the sticky penguins, soiled beaches and poisoned fish.

The slippery Brit has been forced to move his family out of their 23-bedroom mansion in Windsor and relocate to a council estate in Slough. The sale of his estate fetched £5.2 million. Hayward will pay the remainder off at £50/week for 4,016,000 weeks in his new role as an assistant deputy manager at McDonald’s in Slough.

Yesterday his manager said he was doing well. “His customer service skills are improving, but we don’t let him near the deep fat fryer, for obvious reasons.”

Hayward has also been ordered by a BP court judge to spend 456,730 hours scrubbing down oily wildlife as part of a community service penalty. He will also be issuing a handwritten apology to every bird affected by the spill.

Meanwhile, Hayward’s two children, Tarquin and Sairose, have been taken out of their £345,000/year school and sent to Slough Comprehensive. “The uniforms chafe so, and they don’t even have any decent polo ponies,” complained Sairose to a Gusset reporter yesterday.

The children have also suffered a pocket money paycut of over 99.8 per cent as their weekly dosh is slashed from £1500 to just £3.50.

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