In a prime time television address to the nation from the Oval Office, he paid tribute to the Bush dynasty and their multiple oil companies for leading the world to the brink of WW3 and thanked Tony Blair for misleading his Government and the UK population and for having Dr. Kelly snuffed out before he could officially report the lack WMD to the Foreign Affairs Select Committee.
But the president, who opposed the invasion of Iraq in 2003 and once branded the war "dumb", refused to turn the event into a victory lap as it was still Ramadan.
Donning a celebratory Pakul hat and brandishing two Kalashnikovs, Mr Obama told the nation: "I am announcing that the American infidel combat mission in Iraq has ended. Operation Iraqi Freedom is over, and the Iraqi people now have lead responsibility for the security of their country. This hails the dawn of Operation We Now Have Control Over The Oil Fields We Wanted So Bollocks To Them.”
"At every turn, America's men and women in uniform have been shot at, killed and maimed in the name of the Bush’s oil companies. They have served with courage and resolve without question and lets face it, we don’t need any more questions about this shit man; it could become embarrassing dude. As Commander-in-Chief, I am proud of the Taliban…er I mean service. Like all Americans? I am awed by their sacrifice, and by the sacrifices of their families and just thank fuck it wasn’t me getting my ass blown off out there just to make some white dude and his family richer."
Some 50,000 US troops will remain in Iraq with guns, knives, tanks and shit like that until the end of next year as part of "advise and assist brigades" supporting Iraqi troops, more commonly known as “This war isn’t actually the fuck over cos these towel-heads keeps on firing them thar AK47 at my ass”.
Mr Obama added: "Ending this war is not only in Iraq's interest - it is in our own. The United States has paid a huge price to put the future of Iraq in the hands of its people and the control of the oil in the hands of the Bush family. Now, it is time to turn the page and forget about this huge cock-up"
But he went on that the Iraq war "should also serve as a message to the world that the US of A intends to sustain and strengthen our leadership in this young century". To mark this momentous occasion Obama has commissioned a specially decorative prayer mat to send out to all serving troops and a special service of thanks will be the first event held in the giant mosque at Ground Zero once it’s completed.
Every Iraqi resident will receive a special 'Freedom Prayer Mat'
Andrew Gilligan Esq
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