Hague has come out to insist that the two close friends only shared hotel rooms in light of the recent MP’s expenses scandal and wanted to show the electorate that they were making a valiant effort to cut back.
In a statement Hague said, “Me and Gloria…er Chris only shared the bed to cut back on expense claims. We shared a pot of Vaseline because we both suffer from chapped lips and we both have membership to the Limelight and Blue Oyster Night Clubs because we like dancing and nothing more”.
When probed further Hague went on, “I am in no way a rear gunner, I had enough of that at public school and I can say that it isn’t for me. I don’t mind a bit of Tea- Bagging but the idea of a plump, nubile, Adonis-like young man handling and licking my gentleman’s sausage in Greek fashion just makes me go weak at the knees… with disgust I mean”.
William Hague takes a time-out to think about bums.
Mr. Hague’s personal assistant and bum-chum Chris Myers has resigned over the allegations citing them as “malicious” and “cruel” but has vowed not to be upset by them as it makes his mascara run.
Hague and Myers, in matching Pilot sunglasses, stood firm for each other when they greeted the press in defiance over the rumours. Hague, sporting a tight fitting capped T-shirt, leather trousers, long key-chain and handlebar moustache and Myers wearing Betty Boo shoes, lederhosen and a blouse by Laura Ashley hissed and scratched their innocence over the rimming & ring splitting rumours to the assembled press hounds before sharing and inserting an earphone each of Hague’s iPod and mincing off to sounds of the Pet Shop Boys.
Myers’ spokesman Marc Almond has appealed for calm and requested that the couple be left alone to sort out their personal life. When asked about Hague’s wife Ffffffffion, Almond said that’s who he meant.
Minch Norton
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