Saturday, 28 August 2010

Robbie In More Media Attention Seeking Shock

After un-gay Robbie Williams’ publicity stunt of marrying his lipo-suctioned auntie failed to whip the media up into a feeding frenzy earlier this month, Gusset News has been told exclusively by the stars PR Manager, a Mr. Bob Villiams (who sounded remarkably like our Robbie speaking with a handkerchief over the mouth piece of his phone) that Robbie is to rejoin TAKE THAT when they tour next summer.

The lads from TAKE THAT who have gone on to reach unprecedented success around the world, winning every music award going and topping every chart since Robbie Williams left in 1995 are said to be completely underwhelmed at the announcement.

 un-gay TAKE THAT! in their prime in 1987 (Robbie is the fat on on the right)

Frontman Gary Barlow has confirmed that “Blobby” has indeed managed to blag his way on to their tour but stated that Williams would definitely not be back for good. “We’ve done alright without Fatty and he still can’t sing, write or play anything so I can’t see what he could bring to the table now… apart from a box of doughnuts.”

Jason Orange summed up the bands feelings when he said, “There’s only so many times you can sing Angels and charge three-hundred quid a head for it. And even then, that git holds his mic out and tells the audience to sing it for him. Fuckin’ wanker”.

Mark Owen, considered the gay member of the band, said that, “I’ve built my career on being available to both sexes even though I have a wife and 37 kids now. Its part of being in the business but to have gay Robbie back in an un-gay way just sucks… in an un-gay way of course. This band isn’t big enough for two pink pound appealing poo-jabbers”.

Howard Donald was too stoned to comment.

The deal to take Robbie back for part of the tour next summer was facilitated by the TAKE THAT management and some old bag who was insisting that she was Robbie’s wife according to an inside source. But the agreement has meant Robbie has had to pay TAKE THAT 12 billion pounds to be included in the tour but he does get a writing credit built into it on the new single called SHAME written entirely by Barlow.

“It’s just a shame that SHAME sounds like a rip-off of BLACKBIRD by THE BEATLES really.” said one unimpressed Radio 1 DJ. Several fans have gone online to note the similarity between the two songs too.

Williams has denied this latest move as a publicity stunt to try and rekindle his flagging career. Meanwhile his PR manager “Bob” has just released another exclusive that Robbie is set to pilot the space shuttle and marry Susan Boyle.

Shame is released on October 4.


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