Chiefs are to impose a major crack-down on police genitals such as cock and flange, but will also ban nipples and bums. At a press conference this morning, Chief Superintendent Percy Forncloth said “officers are unable to catch criminals because their genitals get in the way”.
He went on to say, “the police force should have smooth areas like Action Man, Barbie and The Smurfs”.
Police have been ordered to remove all genitalia of an appropriate nature by the end of the year.
Officers say they should be allowed to decide whether or not they have genitals while catching criminals. “I love my cock and never get it out when I’m chasing robbers, it’s not fair”, an angry officer told Gusset News today.
The Police Force say they will carry out random spot checks next year. Any officers with genitalia shall be removed from the beat and made to do filing, tea-making or filling in forms.
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