Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Cheryl Cole to be infected with Aids virus

The publicity surrounding Cheryl Cole’s malaria treatment has been so effective that her PR team is considering having the singer contract the Aids virus.

Cheryl, 27, contracted malaria on a visit to Tanzania with her boyfriend Derek Hough. Upon her return to England she became ill and Hough quickly called The Mirror and The Sun before rushing her to hospital.

Fortunately for the future of pop music, the singer is now on the mend and is planning to return to Africa to hand out mosquito nets in a bid to send sales of her latest album, I’m Not a Racist Because I’ve Been to Africa, through the roof.

Cheryl’s PR team, who smoothed the waters after the singer and X Factor judge assaulted a black toilet attendant in 2003, are excited about further opportunities for the entertainer.

“The whole country fell to its knees when Cheryl was admitted to hospital,” PR guru Max Clifford said. “They completely forgot that she can’t sing well and that she hit that black woman and called her a ‘black bitch’ in 2003. Cheryl is like a racist Princess Diana.”

Sick: Cheryl Cole's impractical wardrobe meant she was fair game for mozzies.

Clifford is in talks with doctors about having Cheryl infected with the Aids virus. If handled correctly, the virus could bring about benefit concerts and enormously successful singles for the purveyor of forgettable pop.

“With today’s medicine, it’s still possible to live normally with the Aids virus,” said Clifford. “Cheryl will have a good ten years – which also happens to be the lifespan of a mediocre popstar.”

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