Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Health Secretary axes ‘Holby City'

Gusset reporters have unearthed a top secret Tory plan to axe the hugely popular hospital drama ‘Holby City’.

Secretary of State for Health, Andrew Lansley, said he wanted to “cut NHS costs by £6billion by 2011” at a press conference last week.
Andrew Lansley denies the Tories secret plan to axe 'Holby City'

The secret plans show that axing hospital programmes such as ‘Holby City’ and ‘Casualty’ will save the country a fortune and release funds for weapons and bonuses for bankers.

BBC’s crappier soap ‘Doctors’ is also likely to be axed according to the plans, despite it only costing £2.43 per episode.

Shadow Health Secretary Harold Shipman was shocked: “it’s ridiculous, the Tories want to close all NHS services and force patients to turn to ITV, or God forbid, Channel FIVE."

Derek Staples is convinced that ‘Holby City’ saved his Mum's life.

When Doreen Staples had a headache and her face started melting, she thought it was indigestion.

Vigilant Derek quickly watched the entire ‘Holby City’ box set. Realising her symptoms were serious, he called an ambulance. Seconds later Doreen had a heart attack. Derek said: "It's thanks to ‘Holby’ that Mummy is alive today."

The Tories denied their intentions to axe the hospital programmes despite Lansley’s Facebook status quoting: “Andrew is gonna axe Holby City. Yay for me!”

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