Simon Cowell to be replaced by spanner

American Idol bosses have decided to replace Simon Cowell on next year’s season with a spanner.

Simon Cowell plans to leave the show so that he can concentrate on American X Factor, America's Got Talent, and America's Next Top Inane Mediocre Wannabe series.

Idol boss Simon Fuller is said to be desperate to land an equally big personality to fill his seat, and a spanner fits the bill perfectly. “Everyone agrees a spanner would be great as a full-time judge and will have as much sex appeal as Simon" said Fuller.

Simon Cowell: sex appeal.

Amanda Holden, who will be replaced by a set of taps on next year's Britain's Got Talent, said "Simon's toughness is irreplaceable, but I've seen the spanner in action and it's just as opinionated and forthright". She went on to say, "you can hardly tell the difference between the two, the spanner is a massive tool and so is Simon".

Will a spanner fit the bill? "We think it would be a great judge and it certainly has a lot of experience in the industry" said Fuller, "let's just hope it can get on with Sharon Osbourne".