Wednesday, 23 June 2010

MS Sufferers get Class A drugs

Since the Government legally licensed the cannabis drug ‘Sativex’, there’s been a high demand for more ‘hardcore’ drugs from Multiple Sclerosis (MS) sufferers.

The medicinal benefits of cannabis were discovered over a thousand years ago in an allotment in East London by herbalist Arthur Fowler. The plant-botherer was a few tests away from finding a cure for cancer, but since discovering cannabis, he simply “couldn’t be bothered” to continue. He was found dead in a pile of Monster Munch wrappers by his wife, Pauline, in 1996.

Sativex’, which contains cannabis, helps MS sufferers with muscle hardening and spasticity, but it simply isn’t cool now it’s all above board.

“I used to enjoy skinning up some whiffy skunk with my dealer on the Old Kent Road. But since it all went legal I want something stronger and a bit naughty”, said an anonymous MS sufferer. “So I went to my GP and now I’m on a cocktail of heroin and acid. It thoroughly floats my boat.”

An anonymous MS sufferer awaits her acid fix

The new hardcore drugs, sponsored by Tesco, will soon be available to all MS sufferers. Sufferers can dispense prescriptions with drug dealers in their area for the normal prescription charge of £7.20.

Since the Government released this news celebrity pavement-licker, Pete Docherty, has sadly been diagnosed with this muscle wasting disease and doctors predict that the number of reported MS diagnoses is likely to rise by 500% by the end of the year.

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