Sunday, 13 June 2010

"Football is boring" says Beckham

David Beckham revealed last night to wife, Victoria, that he has always found football boring.

Our undercover Gusset reporter sat behind the Beckhams during last night’s England v USA game and overheard David whinge incessantly about his boredom and wishing he took up a more interesting career such as university administration or bramble picking.

“I can’t bear it”, whined David, “I’m so bored I want to tear my eyes out”. Former Spice Girl, Victoria, replied with “I know darling, just try and count the blades of grass like I normally do”.

The Beckhams then proceeded to play an 89-minute game of ‘I spy’.

David tries to guess Victoria's 'F' word during last night's football match

The Beckhams are not alone, according to scientists at King’s College London. KCL have been conducting research since the last world cup in 2006 that proves that ‘football is boring beyond belief’. “We showed football matches to monkeys and after seven hours of it, most of them took their own lives”, said scientist Michael Winner.

Arsenal fan Chas Wingnut said, “I’ve pretended my whole life that I love football just to look cool in front of my mates, but I hate it. I’d rather go to Lakeside or self-harm than watch another match”.

He went on to say “I’m going to try and contract dysentery so I don’t have to watch the England v Algeria match this Friday”.

The World Cup is expected to globally bore people in their own homes and in local drinking holes, until mid July.


  1. This is not a correct sentences, phrases, sayings from world famous football players, and its associates.
    Due to over indulgence of this world famous game, over popularity, over cash/wealth flowing and all that made them to say or use these damaging words to world football fans and to its organizers.
    Here, familiarity breeds contempt.,

  2. Wow. I think I've fallen in love.