Friday, 11 June 2010

"I should be number one," insists Kyle

Jeremy Kyle has come second in a poll of the UK’s most hated people, beaten only by Osama Bin Laden.

The talk show host was shocked and disappointed to find he’d not managed to beat Osama in The Sun’s poll, which placed him above Hitler, Pol Pot and Saddam Hussein.

Gusset News contacted Kyle this morning to gauge his reaction to the results. “Obviously I’m shocked and I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong,” he said. “I’ve spent my career trying to be as slimy and despicable as I can.”

Kyle insisted our reporter mention the Down’s Syndrome prostitute he murdered back in 1998 and the puppies he famously kicked at an RSPCA charity drive last year.

Cock face: Just one of the appalling photos Kyle has received in the mail since the poll.

Since the results were released Kyle’s latest wife has left him and he has been plagued with hate mail, which Kyle says have “made his week.” He insisted on reading some aloud. “This one’s from Gary in Kent, it says ‘I want to rip off your slimy head you jumped up little twat. At least Hitler had some charisma, and Saddam had the decency to go into hiding when people began to hate him.’”

Kyle’s PR machine has gone into overdrive, with plans for Kyle to be photographed performing backstreet abortions, frotting Princess Diana’s body and body slamming Stephen Hawking.

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