Sunday, 30 May 2010

Burt and Ernie Arrested for Jill Dando Murder

Sesame Street stars Burt and Ernie have been arrested on suspicion of the murder of TV journalist Jill Dando.

London Metropolitain police reopened the investigation into Dando’s murder last month after a tip off from Big Bird who apparently found hundreds of close-range photographs of the TV beauty, who resembled Lady Diana, in Burt’s dressing room. He said, “I’ve been trying to tell them English police for years about the two weirdoes from the show but they wouldn’t listen”.

Police originally closed the investigation in 2008 after sex-pest Barry George was acquitted as new evidence proved he was following another Lady Diana look-a-like home at the time of Dando’s murder. “Police were perplexed by the yellow and orange nylon fluff found at the murder scene in April 1999, the gun found had no fingerprints – Burt and Ernie also have no prints so it’s obviously them”, said a police dog.

Burt, who’s real name is Jason Higgins, did not put up a struggle as he was arrested by police in Washington DC this morning. Arresting officer Chief Wigan reported that Ernie, real name Kev Smith, broke down in tears and shouted, “he made me do it, he made me do it”, as police handcuffed them outside their DC mansion.

The TV stars are being flown to the UK today for interviews and DNA testing. Their lawyer issued the following statement: “My clients have been set up by a big fat yellow TV rival. This is an outrage and I will ensure they are fully compensated once they’re found innocent”. 

This is the third time this year Sesame Street has come under disrepute as Miss Piggy was allegedly arrested for shop lifting in March, and the Cookie Monster was caught forging passports last week.


  1. The fluffy little murdering bastards. They should be hung at once!

  2. I reckon police could search Oscar the Grouch's bin for evidence. They may have hidden the gun there. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he was in on the whole thing.

  3. In my day puppets knew their place, ever since Meet the Feebles they've been going round killing people, it's disgusting and it has to stop.

  4. this is spoof news is lame and not funny at all. Crap basically

  5. 'Irish', am loving your use of the word basically. Are you a gay?