GP Receptionists to Carry Out Medical Procedures

The Government has launched an NHS spending report today confirming that GP receptionists will now see patients for most illnesses.

Angela Lansbury, Health Secretary, said "too many ill people are going to see their GP. GPs simply haven't got time for this nonsense".

The Government report states that seeing patients and dealing with illness account for 25% of a GPs' workload, costing the NHS £3bn per year. This cost can be halved by GP receptionists carrying out easy medical procedures such as prescribing medication, administering flu jabs and inserting a male catheter.

All GP receptionists in the UK will be given instruction manuals and a pair of rubber gloves.

GP receptionist Jane Miggins gets ready to examine a prostate gland

Professor Martin Snashall, CEO of the Royal College of GPs said: "GP receptionists are rude, clumsy and look like pig farmers. This is a sure way to keep whinging patients away from busy GPs".

Dr Das, a GP from Walthamstow said "I'd rather be anally raped in the ear than talk to a pensioner about the colour of their phlegm", he went on to say "I only earn seventy thousand per annum and it proper knobs me off when a patient interrupts me updating Twitter".

A GP surgery in Worthing already has its cleaning staff conducting minor surgery.