Two unexpected contenders have joined the race to be the new Labour Party leader following Gordon Brown’s departure from Number 10.
When Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling was asked whether he would be standing for the top job, he denied that he would be making any push for the job but revealed that his eyebrows had expressed an interest in the high-pressure role.
When pressed by Gusset News reporter Madam Tool as to whether he believed his eyebrows were qualified for the role he simply wiggled them and walked away.
Recent concerns about Darling’s mental health were raised recently after a leak from a fellow unnamed MP who alleged Darling had been having “extremely loud and aggressive arguments with himself in Parliament toilets”. It now seems likely that these arguments were not with himself but with his eyebrows.
There has also been disquiet amongst Labour backbenchers over a pamphlet, allegedly written by Darling, promoting his eyebrows as “the right and sensible choice to take the party forward”.
The situation has echoes of a similar state of affairs in 1975, where Conservative leader Edward Heath’s nostril hair lost out to Margaret Thatcher in a party ballot.
Is one of them left wing and one right wing? That could cause problems, yet create some balance. Hmm.
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