Reports that Gordon Brown has been adopting some unusual campaigning methods in the lead up to today’s general election have shocked the nation. Late last night Brown was reportedly seen donning a black uniform and camouflage paint before getting into a black Ford transit van and wheel spinning away from Number 10 Downing Street.
He resurfaced in the traditional Tory constituency of Bromley and Chislehurst, where greengrocer Stan Ramsbottom says he heard a knock at the door at around 11.30pm. As he approached the door Mr Brown allegedly kicked it in and lunged at him. As he desperately fought the crazed Prime Minister off, the 68-year-old heard Brown scream, "You Tory shits are all the same, vote for Labour or I’ll be coming back for your kneecaps!"
Ramsbottom, who needed medical attention after the late-night visit, said Brown "smelled like he’d been drinking since early afternoon."
"He were clearly very angry that I wasn’t voting for him in election. I didn’t get chance to tell him that I’m not even eligible!" When asked how he could be sure that the attacker had been the country's leader Mr Ramsbottom replied 'It were obvious! He just had a bit of paint smeared above his eyes.'
Brown denied the allegations, calling the story ‘a Tory plot to discredit his campaign." However, CCTV footage sent into Gusset News this morning clearly shows a wild eyed Brown forcing his way into properties across the Bromley and Chislehurst area. The evidence has been sent to the PM’s advisors and we are currently waiting for a response.
Labour's majority has been steadily falling in the last fortnight but this desperate act will come as a genuine shock to the people of Great Britain and can surely only lead to a further dip in the Scot's popularity.
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