Undead shuffle into Downing Street

As Britons all over the country awoke to the prospect of a hung parliament today, one party is dead keen to get a slice of coalition action.

The Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality party’s unexpected election success has shocked political commentators and now CURE hope to gain further influence by joining Labour in forming a new government.

CURE received 482,000 votes, earning them six parliamentary seats and the attention of Gordon Brown, who is desperately casting around to form a Labour-led coalition government.

CURE candidate for Brighton and Hove Jeremy Beadle said the high number of votes received was “great news” – but not entirely unexpected. Polls and surveys tend to ignore the undead, meaning they are not represented in society. “Most undead keep themselves to themselves, hanging round cemeteries and industrial estates.” Beadle said.

This undead voter is in the minority, Beadle says. "Why can't we all just get along?"

Joining Labour in forming a new government would change this imbalance. “Brown has been dead for many years and knows all too well the level of discrimination and loneliness that the non-living experience,” Beadle said.

The pair met at Downing Street this morning to begin preliminary talks. “As soon as I shook his cold, dead hand and looked into his blank eyes I knew we were off to a winning start.”

Beadle has vehemently denied that greater undead influence in the sphere of power would lead to an influx of undead entering the country and stealing our jobs and women.

"The undead just want to be contributing members of society. They are for the most part highly educated and eager to work. We don't discriminate against people who are fat or Asian - why should we discriminate against someone simply because they don't breathe and sometimes shed rotting lumps of flesh?"

Meanwhile, a number of CURE voters missed the 10pm voting cut off thanks to their slow, shambling gait. Many were waiting in long queues last night to cast their ballot, while some were turned away altogether.

Undead voter Ima Rotten said people needed to learn that the undead were “just like everyone else – except dead. “We're a peaceful race, we're not like the undead portrayed in films, only a small minority go around biting people.”

See CURE's manifesto here.

LEADER'S WIVES

Quite frankly, we're all bored of the General Election and so are the MPs. 


In order to release some of the election tension the candidates' wives have released these special pictures of their gorgeous selves. 


So please feast your eyes on these beauties (and just for fun Cherie Blair joined in too).


The photos have had such positive feedback that parliament are considering releasing a calendar of 'Leader's Wives' for 2011. 


 Unfortunately some of the images are a bit revealing, but luckily Bob Carolgees' cheery face conceals any stray lady-parts.


The images feature the lovely Jackie Griffin in bondage attire. 


Miriam Clegg shows us her lovely jublees on her favourite Debenhams Duvet.


Samantha Cameron looks amazing in PVC "It's very easy to clean, you just wipe everything off with a damp sponge" she said.


Sarah Brown shows off her well groomed lady garden "Gordon loves me to get it all out in the open air" she laughed "we once did it in Tesco carpark it was well funny"


And Cherie Blair sent in one of her holiday snaps. She said: "I love my baps and I'm very proud of them".


We love them too Cherie!


Despite Gordon Brown being a bit busy n that at the moment, he did have time to comment "I've always been a fan of Reader's Wives in Razzle so was delighted that Sam(antha) agreed to get her kit off. It's just a bif of fun innit. Maybe we'll do a lads calendar for release in time for the Olympics in 2012".


We hope you get as much enjoyment out of these as we did.